Things They Don't Teach You in Business School : Defending Your Toilet Paper

In our old office, we had our own bathroom. We supplied our own toilet paper. Every Monday, our office manager would go to Costco and pick up practically an entire skid of Cottonelle. And by Friday. Gone.

I wondered what was going on in there behind closed doors.

This went on for months.

Then one day, someone on their way to pee stumbled upon a couple guys from the office next door. They were exiting our bathroom. Each lugging a sixteen-pack of TP.

Cheap-ass corporate raider bastards. I had to go over there and have some words. Triumph in the name of toilet paper.

The Pirates of the Second Floor

We're pirates.

Items Recently Pirated:

1. Two pink leather lounge chairs
2. One (working) photocopier with collation trays and extra toner
3. Two 8' tall bookshelves
   
4. An unopened case of urine cups
5. Many assorted desk accessories, binders, other paraphenalia
6. One 14" PC monitor and matching keyboard
7. One dozen magnifying glasses with battery-powered lights

Our swarthy band has a three-prong battle plan:

1. Send scouts out everywhere. Make sure there is someone roaming all hallways on all floors at all times. Encourage ADD behavior and frequent jaunting about.
2. Act fast. When a scout returns with news of a potential score, debate quickly as to the merits of the capture. Should the prize be worth keeping...
3. Immediately dispatch an armament of at least fourteen or fifteen swashbuckling associates to drag the goods back to the mothership.

We're going to put our logo on a jolly roger and fly it over the receptionist's desk.

Argh!

The Fervid Quest for Truth in Electronic Mail

On 4/18/07 11:04 AM, Kendra wrote:

Hi Form Grid team,
Attached please find the three Medicare Part D rosters used for 1Q '07 distribution. I’ll send the other rosters for the other programs in a separate email.



On 4/18/07 11:30 AM, Juan wrote:

LIES!

I found nothing attached to this e-mail!

Predicaments, Pies, and Parting Gifts

On 4/5/07 9:32 AM, Eric wrote:

Sorry, but I have a little emergency at home and have to leave. I decided to drive all the way up here though, because I enjoy my commute so much.



------ Forwarded Message
Thu, 05 Apr 2007 09:37:59 -0400 Renayah wrote:

Sorry we missed each other I would have given you your pie



------ Forwarded Message
Thu, 05 Apr 2007 09:39:14 -0400 April wrote:

Well, thanks for playing our game, we have some nice parting gifts for
you...

The Biggest Loser

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On 4/12/07 3:25 PM, Mark wrote:

Win a boat load of money & feel great!

The Biggest Loser Contest

Straight from the NBC show “The Biggest Loser,” we will be holding our own Franklyn Ideas Biggest Loser contest.

$25 to enter - WINNER TAKES ALL! There’s motivation for you!


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On 4/12/07 3:28 PM, Leah wrote:

Mark isn’t participating because he’s already a loser....
I’m in..I look forward to collecting everyone’s money.


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On 4/12/07 3:40 PM, Shaun wrote:

I want to be a loser.


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On 4/12/07 3:55 PM, Eric wrote:


Keep hanging out with Leah - you‘re well on your way!


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On 4/12/07 3:39 PM, Kofi wrote:

Anyone can be a loser if you just put your mind to it!


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On 4/12/07 3:44 PM, Ray wrote:

Yeah, and some don’t even have to try that hard.


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On 4/12/07 3:41 PM, Barry wrote:

As far as I’m concerned you’re all losers! Mostly Kofi! I’m the only winner here! Accept it!


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On 4/12/07 5:11 PM, Kofi wrote:

I called to check and my Mom said I wasn’t a loser, so there.

technorati tags: weightloss,

Lovable Package Inserts

From: Renayah

Eric,
Where do you hold your closed jobs?

---------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Eric

Close to my heart, of course. I think of all of my PI's as if they were my children. They may not all have the personality of my son, but they are all special.

technorati tags: business, corporate, advertising

Our Keen Reasoning Fires Flimsy Cover Story

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3:29 PM, Jill wrote:

The fire alarms will be tested today and tomorrow. No need for alarm.

-- Jill

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3:40 PM, Juan wrote:

Well...technically, Jill....
If there was "no need for alarm," we wouldn't be testing them, now would we?

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4:15 PM, Eric wrote:

But we digress....

Trix Arsenal - Secret Weapon #1: How to Handle One Bored Customer During a Pitch

The theater: You are pitching. Ernestly. And one guy sits slumped over in his chair looking at his watch. This Secret Weapon works particularly well if others in the room are salespeople themselves.

The set up: Wait for the bored guy to say something. Pretty much anything as long as he sounds fatigued, uninterested or cantankerous.

Your Trick: Look at somebody else at the table. Point at the sourball. Say "Help me out here, was that a buying signal?"